Spilling my guts a bit, any advice appreciated

sandman369 · Spilling my guts a bit, any advice appreciated

While I'm waiting for Bet Online's connection to come back, thought I would just make a personal post, spilling my guts a bit, and ask for anyone's advice if you have some (that's relevant Razz

). I dropped out of school in September - my reasoning at the time was that I just wasn't enjoying it and had no motivation to continue. Now I'm finding that reasoning applying to everything in my life. I'm not where I want to be, I don't like the person I am, but I have no idea what I want. I've never gotten very far in poker despite having played on and off for 5.5 years, and in my mind its all due to my mental struggles and generally having a lame and depressing life. I've tried seeking therapy before but I just give up on that quickly like everything else. I feel very disconnected from people so my only discussions of this nature happen on the internet, but mostly in my own mind, which is a self-defeating waste of time.

So, for the last couple months, I've been thinking about what to do about my life. I've come down to 2 options, both of which scare me beyond belief. Both have me ending up back home in Ontario (I'm in BC right now) and then basically starting life from scratch thereafter. They are:
- Keep trying poker until the spring then set out on a walk across Canada to end up back home in Ontario (a.k.a. voluntary traveling hobo). It would probably be a 4-month journey.

or

- Drive back home to Ontario some time soon.

Either way, I want to go back to Ontario where my sister and my friends are. The scary part of both is actually having a shitty real life for a while, and making such a big change. I've been spoiled and coddled my whole life, which is probably what got me to this miserable point, and so I have social awkwardness and have felt shitty and scared of life for a long time. Most of my days are filled with escapism - watching shows and movies, playing games.

Well, I guess that's it. I could probably spend days on end pouring out the worries and madness in my mind, but this is mainly a poker forum after all Wink

Any advice or discussion would be appreciated. Thanks guys.

forced

get a job.

doodiewiz

I'd go back to school mate getting a job can be overated but that's just me. Find something you want to do or passionate about and have a goal in life is a good place to start imo...

Brokerstar

Do something that makes you feel alive!

I remember when I had a job in the city that I wasn't enjoying, I made great money, had a ton of friends round me and my social life was epic but something wasn't right and I needed an adventure!

It's different for everyone but you need to figure out what turns you on and gets you fired up. We're all heading to a hole in the ground sooner or later so make sure you figure out what it is and do it.

The happiest I have ever been in my life was ironically at a time where I had next to no money and was surviving on £10 a day. I had no phone, no computer, no suits, car, starbucks, nothing and I was in paradise! Rolling Eyes

U Cook Socks

When you know what you want, go out there and get it. Unfortunately, the hardest part is actually working out what you want in the first place. So take some time and think about what kind of person you are, what kind of things you like doing.

I have to say this, I don't think poker sounds an ideal thing to focus on when you are the kind that locks themself away, and isolates themself a bit. Not saying don't do it, but you still need to get out, meet people, and so on.

Zipps

Great advice so far. So the only thing I can contribute is sth. for the social awkwardness. I would seriously recommend you to read "Painfully Shy: How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Reclaim Your Life by Barbara Markway". I had always problems in social situations since I was a child. I always thought about what others are thinking about me and I was scared of decline. So i was always pretty strained in some social situations. Not so much when I did sth. with friends, but more when I spoke to people that I didn't know so well and such stuff. That book really helped me to understand why I was feeling that way. Not sure if you need it, because you have already visited a psychiatrist , but it's definitely worth a read.